That bittersweet taste of yours
by Mely literati soul
Summary: PROBLEM FIXED WITH CH.2. READ IT NOW! Only few months ago he decided that nothing was keeping him there. Now, in a californian night, he has to face his ghosts. It wasn't supposed to be that hard. RJ
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters. (Special thanks to Amy Sherman Palladino for giving us the GG and to Milo Ventimiglia for being Milo Ventimiglia…)

**Author's note: **This is a short chapter, just to warm up the atmosphere out there!!! Second chapter is coming soon. Please: REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! You can do it by e-mail or on my forum page (click on my name to find out the address). You can write in english, italian, spanish or even bosnian. Thanks!

By the way, English is not my first language, so, please, forgive my mistakes. I do my best.

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**_That bittersweet taste of yours_**

*a literati fanfic*

CHAPTER 1

_– INSOMNIA –_

He woke up again. With a slow movement of his hand he turned the clock: 3.08 a.m. and no sleep in his eyes. Nothing. Again. It was becoming a sort of habits: every single night he woke up and spend the rest of time reading and writing something, mostly forcing himself to not think about her. Her. Still. Like a tattoo on his soul. 

Living so far away from her wasn't supposed to be that hard. At least, he was always been the strong one, the one used to no need anyone, the one who has nothing to loose, the one who can make it on his own…But the same second he saw her getting off the bus, few months ago, he knew he wasn't strong enough to stand that freezing feeling through his veins… 

He wasn't strong enough. 

That's why he tried to call her all that times and all that times without the strenght to say a word. He wasn't brave enough. And than again, she had enough words for both of them. And she was right, too damn right: he did screwed up everything.

Jess sighed, running his fingers through his dark tangles hairs as it could wipe all those tangles thoughts out, and got off his father's couch. Walking trough the darkness of the room, he reached the green big bag, took a block and sat next to the open window. 

There he was, again, lighting up a cigarette, alone in the californian night with the crying of the ocean and the crying of his heart and nothing but her eyes on his mind, like a vision, like an illusion, like a hope.

There he was, again, sitting in the moonlight, trying not to think about her but too fragile to win that battle with all the burning memories he had in the inside. 

There he was, again, surrending to the deep need to write her a letter, to share a peace of his soul with her. 

_Dearest Rory,_

He looked out of the window, puffing away the smoke in the darkness as he could puff away all his pain and frustration too. A lonely tear slided on his cheek, softly. 

"It wasn't supposed to be that hard", he sighed.


	2. LETTERS, GHOSTS AND SMELL OF COFFEE

**Author's note: I posted by mistake an incomplete version of chapter two. Sorry!!!**

                          Read it now and, please, REVIEW! I really really need to know your opinions.

CHAPTER 2

_- LETTERS, GHOSTS AND SMELL OF COFFEE -_

_Dearest Rory ,_

_This is one of those nights when my mind is restless, it creates ghosts and fantasies and the longing to write, the urgent need to write, makes my breathing laboured._

_Here I am, looking  for you in this californian moonlight, wispering my thoughts in the darkness, talking to you, that tonight are filling the air of the room up._

_You're here,  like an immaginary creature, an enchanted spirit, an evanescent presence whose rustle I feel around me, among my thoughts. I hold my hand out to touch you, I can feel your skin skimming mine, your soft smell of coffee, your quiet breathing._

_You're here with me, burning in my mind like an eternal flame, and once again I realize how much I need you and love you. How much I hurted you._

_I know how stupid and pathetic and useless it can sound now, but still, I do love you. And it hurts._

_You're a blow of life in this sleepless night. _

_You were a blow of life in my all life. _

_I look around and I can imagine your contour: you're coming closer, gently, you're drawing close to me, tightly._

_Silence.___

_Our heart-beating._ Time stops. Warmth. Magic.__

_I like to think that probably you're dreaming of me too, that all these sensations are a sort of contact of our souls. I wish it was this. I wish things between us were not that messed up._

_Stay. Stay like this. Just don't fade away. It is our peace of heaven._

_Flawours._ Rustles. Whispers. Hands interlacing in neverending games.__

_Slow, deep, intence._

_Here my love is, stronger than time, stronger than distance._

_Complicity._ Friendship. Understanding. Lips tasting each others. Enchanted moments.__

_Skin: your own, my own._

_Here I am, once again, loving you as stronger as I can._

_Warmth._ Freedom. Eternity. Magic. Mistery. Love.__

_Love.___

_You and me.___

_Like an eternal flame burning in my mind._

_But you don't know that, and I'll never tell you._

_                                                                                              Jess_

He looked out of  the window, the sun was rising. A smell of coffee were coming from the kitchen, bitterwseet like his words.

He got up, carefully he folded the letter and put it in a book, in his green bag, with other books, with other words for her, carefully folded. Words that he wasn't going to tell her.


End file.
